As far as I'm concerned, mediocrity has always been my middle name. I'm not pretty, I'm not extraordinarily ugly either.I never topped my class but never came last either. I'm nowhere close to having my dream job but I DO have something to fall back on for psychological comfort(yeah, I don't think I'd be any less broke or dissatisfied if I go to Mumbai for this job but I couldn't survive the pressure
of seeing others get placed and scoring a zero for a week, let alone so many months),my love story would never go down in history but it's definitely my favourite.
Given all these grand examples, it's a no brainer that I was never any teacher's favourite anywhere. I didn't make friends who'd die for me either. Basically, had I not been there in the class,people won't have missed much. I was pretty much invisible.So,I'm having a really hard time coming up with one good reason for showing up at the stupid campus one last time where no one cares much about me and the feeling is very mutual. The thought of pretending to be having a good time while boredom gets the better of me just doesn't sound appealing. And even though I shared a very personal bond with my students during my short stint as a private tutor, none of the teachers in my schools or colleges ever inspired me enough to delve deeper into the subjects they were teaching. Besides, my career has suffered a lot at different times for not sharing a personal equation with any of my teachers.
But,at the same time,unlike many of my other friends,I'm not angry at anyone. I have studied Leader-Member Exchange Theory and believe in it wholeheartedly. I find it very normal to accept that everyone would have a favourite and I calmly accept this fact also that I'm no one's favourite. It doesn't bother me at all. I'm thankful to God for making me normal,allowing me to have a normal life,giving me results worth at least thirty percent of my hard work and blessing me with this beautiful heart that stretches like rubber and engulfs the person I love once I love them. I'm thankful to God for making me sensitive enough to feel every ecstasy, failure, disappointment, hatred, heartbreak, passion and still not be overwhelmed by it(okay,maybe I should have excluded the heartbreak part but never mind). Moving to an alien city with an unimpressive job,leaving my family,friends and the love of my life behind,scares me beyond imagination and I'll try to fight it for as long as possible. But when I sense the end,I'll just let go and surrender to fate completely. The tears won't stop but there'd be no regret.
Speaking of regrets,poila boishakh(The Bengali New Year)is known to be a family affair among us Bengalis and my family being one of those where no one seems to be agreeing with anyone else over anything,it has always been a quiet day at home having bhetki paturi(bhetki fish steamed with mustard paste), chingri shorshey(mustard prawn) or mangsher jhol(mutton curry) for lunch.My parents don't see any logic in going out to fancy Bengali restaurants and have Bengali delicacies that are no more cooked at Bengali households and I've always regretted spending an uneventful poila boishakh. But with my bunch of girls making plans on that very day, it was anything but quiet this year. We met up at this quaint little place called Cafela near Rashbehari and boy, did we have a scandalous evening! The pictures are more than a month old but you can still see the sparkle in my eyes, right?
|Anarkali gone wrong and worn as a maxi dress-tailor-made from Gariahat Market(not from my regular tailor,duh!), shoes, pouch- Simpark Mall, denim waistcoat- New Market, rings- B.K.Market and New Market, lipstick- Maybelline Bold Matte MAT 4|
|Picture Courtesy- Anu|